Movie ‘Chhichhore’ Challenged My Role As A Father - Pavan Kaushik in Book ‘Gazab Zindagi’

For once, the movie was challenging my role as a father.

I could relate to the silent fear children carry within - not necessarily of failures, but of disappointing their parents. More than their own dreams, they worry about the parents’ reactions. The question was - are we, as parents, responsible for creating this fear? The answer was not easy to accept, though evident: yes, most of us are.

As I watched the movie further, I found myself slipping into the shoes of Sushant Singh Rajput’s character. Every dialogue, every justification, felt like it was directed at me. Now, instead of enjoying the movie, I was restless. My mind kept circling back to a haunting question - has my son ever felt the same pressure from me? Has he ever carried such a thought inside him? The scare in me brought tears - I was more into my own life-memories – tracing similar incidents.

Never said this before, but at a point when one understands failures as the end of life, and sees no sign of things getting better – sometimes, the thought of committing suicide rolls over. Strong minds think otherwise and weak-minds surrender to the moment. Unfortunately, I too passed through that phase at the very early stage of my life - so my fear had some background and flimsy justification – yet enough to create a scare in me at this moment.

Now, I wanted the movie to end quickly - not because I wasn’t engaged, but because I couldn’t wait to sit with my son and have an honest, open-hearted conversation. That night, the film wasn’t just entertainment - it became a mirror. And that mirror made me realize why I needed to write a chapter about this in my book - ‘Gazab Zindagi’.

As the movie ended, I put my hand on his shoulder and asked if he liked the movie – and his reply was – “Dad, I know what you want to know. Relax. I could see you were emotional, perhaps relating your own journey of passing through phases of deep struggles. Don’t think much, you have made me stronger to find my roads that would lead to my purpose of life.” 

We feel we are the chosen ones to undergo struggles, struggles that have no end. But as you would understand - struggles become success stories later, stories that we enjoy narrating to our family and friends. I have always believed that if your purpose in life is bigger, the process is going to be tougher. Nothing is going to come easy - well, you asked for it. It is advisable to gracefully accept the process - the journey or the struggle as you may want to call it - and not shift your purpose. Surrender is a good word in the dictionary, but in real life, if you have no choice, accept the choice you have and move on.

Writing ‘Gazab Zindagi’ has not been a day’s job, rather rewinding life and passing through those incidents again gives you happiness and also pain. It also meant facing your own mistakes, and admitting where you went wrong. Acceptance, I firmly believe, makes corrections simpler. There is no clash of egos when you say - “Yes, I was wrong.”

But is also true, if you rewind your life, you would find many incidents that would make you smile, cry, pause and also make you feel proud of the journey and distance you have travelled, despite all odds and evens. 

‘Gazab Zindagi’, as I say, is also your story – the chapters are yours, the lines are mine. Walk through your life through these chapters, and many incidents you would like to live again.